Bipolar Depression Sucks

Bipolar Depression Sucks, but I have hope. . .

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I’ve been quite depressed lately. And it sucks a lot.

I’ve put off writing this post for several reasons. One of which is, I hate being negative. But real life is not always positive. And I realize the importance of sharing the true nature of bipolar depression. Plus, I always appreciate it when others do.

Another reason is that because I’m depressed, I just haven’t felt like it. I haven’t felt like doing anything that I typically enjoy. Well, except for laying in bed and watching Weeds on Netflix. In fact, that’s all I feel like doing.

But I’m alive and thankfully I’m still grateful for that.

Most of the time I kind of feel like a zombie. Numb and naturally sedated. Apathetic. Foggy.

I feel like I’m bouncing back and forth between two worlds as I try to fight off this familiar demon. Some days I’m able to get the upper hand. I may be doing the bare minimum but I’m able to be around my family and enjoy their hilarity.

Other days, or even later the same day, I sink. Depression swallows me up again. It reminds me that it never left and that it was only allowing me a brief reprieve. I return to my zombie-like state. My house could burn down around me and I probably wouldn’t flinch.

I feel as if I’m suffocating.

I try not to think too much. Right now my mind is a dangerous place that I do not need to explore on my own. My suicidal ideations have become more prevalent. Which also sucks. Especially considering that there was a short period of time in which I didn’t have any at all! A very short period, but still. It was nice. I remember thinking, this is how “normal” people must feel all the time.

But I’m still hopeful. And because bipolar disorder is change, I know that I may feel this way again, but I won’t feel this way forever. So I will continue to do the best that I can. That’s all I can do! Gratitude helps.

This Bring Me the Horizon song pretty much sums it up [icons size=’fa-lg’ custom_size=” icon=’fa-music’ type=’normal’ position=” border=’no’ border_color=” icon_color=’#b1984d’ background_color=” margin=” icon_animation=” icon_animation_delay=” link=” target=’_self’]

What helps you through bipolar depression?


Krista-Lee-Pfeiffer :: Blogger & Creator of TheSunnyShadow.com


2 Comments

    1. Lol. I love how you can turn something as awful as bipolar depression into hilarity. I also wish there was a conference we could hang out at because you would have me laughing the whole time! There would be no time for my depression.

      That picture fits bipolar depression perfectly, doesn’t it? I’ve had been saving it, waiting for just the perfect occasion. It’s a great photo.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!
      -Krista

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