Dear Food

Dear Food,

It may seem odd that I’m writing you this letter, as we’ve never had the greatest of relationships. I’m not sure when or where we went wrong. Did we develop an unhealthy relationship as early as my toddler years, when my mom said I used to eat two dinners; one at the sitter’s house & one at home? That seems unlikely, but one thing I do know is that my disdain for you over the years was never a conscious decision. It’s not really that I don’t like you… Quite the opposite actually. I think the problem is that I love you too much!

As I sit here eating my current sweet addiction, M&M’s, I’m reminded of my childhood. That’s when we were the closest. It’s not that I loved you more back then, I promise, it’s just that I had fewer worries. It was a different era. The world wasn’t as concerned with health, & obviously neither was my mother. I ate loads of you, anything & everything I wanted… all the time. I know it sounds great but you have to realize that even then our relationship was unhealthy, just in a different way. I never drank water, I lived on sodas, sugar, & other junk foods {sorry for the unflattering description}. It’s surprising that I’ve yet to develop diabetes {“the sugar”}. My obsession with you was so unhealthy that I would get excited when my mom went to the grocery, often getting up early to go with her, simply to ensure that our house would be stocked with all of your yumminess. Most of you didn’t make it past the first few days of the week anyhow. That’s when I could get away with it. Remember how I always got made fun of for being skinny? Tell the truth, did you quietly cheer my name-callers on because you thought it might bring us closer? -I’m sorry, that was a rude question. Still, those were the good ‘ol days, weren’t they?

Then I fell in love, went to college, & gained weight. Yep, I finally noticed first-hand the correlation between food-intake & lack of exercise. OH! Perhaps that’s where everything went awry! I need to apologize to you, Food. I unfairly blamed you for that, when in reality I was the problem. I was neglectful of my health. So typical of my past self.

Always pointing the finger outward but never looking inward; the answer is always within.

Yeah, it was pretty much downhill from there. I had a wedding to prepare for & that’s when I first began sneaking diet pills, cigarettes, & restricting you from my life. I thought you were the enemy… & while I’m being honest, I even cheated on you with SlimFast! I’m so sorry! I hope you will forgive me. I feel sad when I look back at pictures because they paint the picture of how sick I really was. I was so skinny & yet I had no idea. My husband tried to tell me but… Again, I’m sorry for wrongly blaming you.

Since then it’s been a bumpy road, hasn’t it? Between having to take medications with unwanted weight-increasing side-effects & more of me restricting you. At one point my psychiatrist diagnosed me with an eating disorder & my therapist with “disordered eating.” While I’m not trying to escape accountability, please understand that my thinking was not clear. It’s not you, it’s me.

Look, I know this is a short letter considering that our relationship has been on the rocks for the past 20 years, but this is my olive branch. I realize that it will take some time to get our relationship back on track but I’m willing to put in the work if you are. Part of that may entail accepting my unhealthy love for you, the important part will be how in how I manage that love.

Love Always…


Krista-Lee-Pfeiffer :: Blogger & Creator of TheSunnyShadow.com


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