The Unspoken Pressure to Know Exactly Who You Are. And Why It’s Stupid.

The Unspoken Pressure to Know Exactly Who You Are. And Why It's Stupid. |“The need to prove who you are will vanish once you know who you are.” ~Danielle Pierre, Just Make It Happen!

I love this quote, as it speaks of empowerment, freedom, & the entire self-growth journey. But it got me thinking {I know, scary} . . .

The Value of Knowing 

Once we’ve discovered who we are {at our core} our skin isn’t as thin as it once was. It doesn’t really matter what others think of us because we know the truth.

There’s no need to figuratively scream to the world, “This Is Who I Am!” Whether it be by making sure everyone notices all of our good deeds {got it, you’re a good person}, or being overly sensitive to others’ criticisms. When we know who we are, we’re free of all this. We have more time for meaningful things. But first, we have to discover what is meaningful to us!

– The Unspoken Pressure –

There’s this unspoken pressure to know exactly who we are; & right now! We’re just supposed to know! The perception is that there’s weakness in not knowing.

How absurd! How are we to just know?

As long as we’re not lazing about, mooching off our parents in the name of ‘finding ourselves’ {for example}, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not knowing! Through cumulative life experiences & encounters with others we discover various things about ourselves. All of which {& more} play parts in making us who we are. It’s a process unique to each individual. There’s no right or wrong. No timetable or limit.  It’s an exciting journey; one in which we all take at our own pace.

Do we ever truly know?

In the last few years I’ve finally gotten to know myself pretty well. I have to admit, it’s liberating. I feel more confident in most areas of my life. I probably walk a little straighter for it too. But recently, I’ve begun to doubt that we ever truly know ourselves.

I mean, of course we know our basic core values; our morals & belief systems. But we’re creatures of change & growth. And we will forever be discovering new things about ourselves. How boring this life would be otherwise, right?


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Allow wiggle room!

This is why it’s so important to always allow ourselves wiggle room to grow & change. We never know what new information we may receive. I personally hope I remain open enough to always at least consider new ways of thinking. I hope I stay open to any & all possibilities that may change or grow me for the better.

This is where I think not knowing wins out. When we don’t know who we are, we’re naturally wide open → to new experiences, varying thought patterns, people, & basically everything life has to offer! Perhaps we can simply borrow that mentality.

Or, maybe we’re focusing on the wrong thing all together . . .

Or, maybe we’re focusing on the wrong thing all together. That is, solely on “figuring out who we are,” like that’s the ultimate goal. Opposed to the lifetime journey of self-discovery & self-growth. It’s as if once reached we’re satisfied {& finished}. Complacent much? I fear becoming satisfied with this idea of knowing myself & then growing complacent because of it.

I wonder, how much are we willing to change after “discovering who we are?”

Do you know who you are? 


  1. Hi, Krista,
    I always love what you write; it makes me think. I didn’t know I was a painter til 40, or a writer til 50, or a fan of yours til recently. Look at what I’d be missing if at 39 I said, “I’m done. I know who I am.” Thank you for bringing that to my attention!

    1. Thanks Tracy. I feel exactly the same way. I feel like, at 38 years old, I’m just getting started. Isn’t that funny? I didn’t know that I liked to write! It makes me wonder what I’ll discover about myself in another 10 years.

      Thanks for stopping by! -Krista

  2. I don’t have the first clue who I am and honestly I completely agree, I love it that way. I get a rush when I get it in my head to start a new self-help book all in the name of ‘finding myself!’ I rarely even complete the book but just the idea that I’m in there picking through the debris in my head is exhilarating. Your posts are always bang on!

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